Raising twins and making parenting choices about twins can be a touchy issues. Do you dress them alike or different? How about school…same class or separate? Twin parents including me feel strongly about these issues. Whilst I respect every parent’s right to make their own choices on these subjects it does make me wonder why some choose to treat twins very differently to just regular siblings.
I’m on the side of twindividuality…hence the blog name. The fact that my girls are twins is pretty irrelevant to me. It definitely has its perks and now, more than ever, I love having same aged siblings. However, maybe it is partly down to their very different appearance and personalities, but I think we need to develop them separately.
I’d love to be able to spend more one on one time with each of them. To have a conversation with just one, without the other constantly interrupting, would be fantastic. They aren’t being rude, they just want to be included. On the rare occasions they’ve been taken out separately, they’ve loved it. This isn’t to say they aren’t close but they don’t seem to mind short separations.
Ideally, when they start school next year, I’d like them to be in separate classes. Like all children starting school, those early weeks I imagine would be tough but in the long run, making their own friends is something I think is important. Unfortunately, the village catchment school doesn’t have two reception classes so this is unlikely.
I’ve known twin parent fight really hard to keep their twins together. Maybe their twins are really close. Maybe one is more dependant and would struggle without their twin. Or maybe it’s a practical reason. I’m guessing that for young twins, you really can’t be too close. It’s such a special bond and one that many are keen to nurture.
At what point, if at any, should we as parents encourage more independence. I have a close friend who I met a university and who is an identical twin. In the early days, I presumed they weren’t super close. They’d chosen different paths and weren’t attending the same university. It was only when I spoke to him recently about his relationship with his twin, that I realised I’d been wrong.
As children, they’d always shared a room and spent hours talking every evening. They knew everything there was to know about each other and his twin was the first person he confided in about his sexuality at age 12. A secret that was kept for over a decade. Their closeness continued when they left home and even now they speak multiple times on the phone each day.
Can twins ever be too close?
When I asked him if he thought twins could ever be too close, his gut reaction was no. However after chatting a bit longer he revealed that following a serious health scare with his twin just after uni, they’d reconnected in a powerful way. They moved in together, shared clothes and both stayed single for over two years. Part circumstance and part support but how amazing to have each other like this during such a difficult time.
When new relationships started, some couldn’t handle their bond. It is definitely something partners need to embrace and now they both have significant others who just get it. Most Saturdays are spent together and the multiple daily calls continue. What they have to talk about, I’ll never know but I guess that’s coming from a non twin.
Nurture the bond
As a twin mummy, I feel a great responsibility to guide them in this relationship. I’m probably overthinking my involvement. Surely, their closeness will be what it will be. I can only hope the bond my girls share continues and they grow together and separately. Who knows what twindividual traits they’ll develop in the years to come.
What do you think? Can twins ever be too close?